Wild Rose Cleanse

Ok I’m on Day 8 of the Wild Rose Cleanse and I’ve been reading a lot of testimonials and I’m a bit confused. 

1) Everyone talks about how they shit non-stop. That’s just not the case for me? I mean I wake up and poop. It’s not pretty, but it’s a poop.. then I am usually good until the next day. Sometimes I have  another one in the late afternoon but not usually? Maybe I’m just so fucking healthy there’s no toxins to get rid of? Pfffft

2) People talk about the aches and pains they have like they are getting the flu. I’ve literally felt nothing like this. I’ve been grumpy AF because I want a cheeseburger and some fucking wine, but no flu symptoms. 

3) People are boasting they have lost 10-15 pounds on this cleanse. Ok I’m also on my period so maybe this has something to do with it but I’ve lost 2.5 pounds. In 8 days. That’s nothing to write home about and I’ve been following the diet to a T. I just read one where this chick caved on day 5 and drank every day for the rest of it and ate pizza and she’s like “tee hee I still lost 10 pounds” and I’m like YOU BITCH.

4) “I lost all my cravings for sugar and bad foods”. Are you serious? How? I caught myself staring at my dog today thinking about what he’d taste like with cheese on him. I need cheese in my life and small amounts of brown sugar. It’s what I’m most excited to eat. There’s not an hour that goes by without my mind creating a food fantasy. So shut up all you Internet liars saying you have no cravings near the end. (I will update you on day 12 if this miraculous event happens). 

5) “There’s lots to eat”. This is true but it’s all mega boring and you can’t put sauce on it because every god damn sauce has sugar or vinegar in it. 

So I think I have more energy and my belly is definetly flatter, but this has been a testament to my will power. I don’t think I’ve been this sober in 10 years. I guess that’s a good thing. But it’s super boring, dude. We have been really productive with all this spare time though. Amazing what you will clean when you’re avoiding the kitchen/liquor cabinet. 
I took before measurements so I’ll post my final results on Saturday morning (post shit). You’re welcome!

I’m dreaming of white wine at Christmas


Cauliflower: Not just my nickname..

I finally gave in and tried this cauliflower rice shenanigans. I have to hand it to you, cauliflower. You’re pretty alright!

I got some pointers how to make a good batch and gave it a shot because I’ve been eating way too much rice lately! It’s not horrible for you but it’s a lot of calories. 

So essentially, you cut your cauli into pieces so you can jam it into a food processor. 

Place in a bowl and run some other yummy things through the processor like parsley and onions. 

I’m sure you could add anything and it would be delicious. Fry up the onions and such in a big pan then when they are soft, add your cauli. Fry it for a few minutes until everything is all mixed in.

Add a tiny bit of broth and cover for another 5 min and you’re good to go! So much faster than rice and it tastes bomb ass. 

I also grilled some asparagus and threw some gang signs. 


BBQ some chicken and you got yourself one healthy dinner!

  Does anyone else think my chicken looks like a frog? This is like a 500 calorie dinner and I was full. Karlin said it was delicious but was still hungry but he’s a boy and can’t keep weight ON.. So I just made him eat ice cream after with PB2 and he was fine.. 

I’ve also discovered the beauty of mustard again. When I was gluten free I went to mustard when I needed flavour and happiness. I’m back again and man do I love mustard. I made a 400 calorie turkey sandwich and it was fucking delicious. Mostly due to the mustard! 

So it’s been a delicious week in food, despite being on a 1200 calorie diet. Tonight is Turkey spaghetti with spaghetti squash and I’m looking forward to bathing in Parmesan cheese. I could gargle with that shit. 

Down 2 pounds and almost back to my pre-may-long self. Pre-10000-beers. 

Gnocchi Chicken Stew for Hungry Girls

Gnocchi! Where have you been all my life you delicious little potatoey noodle goodness? I will admit, I saved up a good chunk of calories for this dinner and did a little extra cardio just to be sure. I found this recipes in this months copy of Eating Well . I have never cooked with gnocchi before, but I am going to start now! I still don’t believe it but the recipe said for 2 cups of this stuff, it’s 542 calories. That’s not bad considering I had to stuff my cheeks to get all the delicious morsels of chicken, veggies and gnocchis in! The ingredients are simple and easy and was really simple. I made an absolute mess of the kitchen for some reason, regardless of the recipes simplicity!

Here’s a peek!


The thyme makes the entire house smell awesome. I’m always mentally taking notes of aromatic recipes for when I cook for guests. It just seems more impressive and makes me look like a mother fucking chef. #chefcrawly


I had to switch skillets half way through because I started off being too lazy to wash my favourite one and tried using one without Teflon on it and the chicken was sticking. COOL STORY, BRO.


Voila! I just ate 2 cups and feel delightfully satisfied and close to being stuffed.

Also, we picked this up at a little specialty shop I mentioned the other day..


You add about a shot of it to soda water and it is so incredibly refreshing! Think ginger ale without the added sugar. Of course we add vodka to ours too duh. But it’s my new favourite drink treat. (I still love you, wine. No hard feelings).

It snowed about 2 ft today. By the looks of it, I will be creating some sort of freezer pantry masterpiece tomorrow for din because my poor little baby Jetson doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere any time soon! Night kiddies