I feel like I never have enough time to blog anymore about my days which sucks because they have been very exciting as of late. So instead of trying to write these long winded blogs I decided to just do highlight reels so I feel sane. August an the beginning of September were just whirlwinds for me. Mom came for two weeks after not seeing her for over a year. A fucking year. Much deserved visit. We went to Koocanusa for the weekend to Dave and Jen’s camp and went on a poker rally.


And just when you thought there couldn’t be any more camo, we came home and packed up for the Flathead to go hunting.

We didn’t see anything legal to shoot so it was slightly disappointing but the season is still young! Not that I have any time…

Upon arriving home I started a new job as a Real Estate Assistant here in town which is turning out to be just perfect for me. I can still teach in the mornings and evenings and let little doggie out in the afternoons.

So last weekend we decided to go to Duncan Lake to Jays cabin and hike up to the Macbeth Icefields. How hard can hiking be? It’s just walking right?

Wrong. Jesus christ I thought I was going to die. 9 hours later..

This was probably the most challenging thing, physically and mentally, that I have ever made myself do. I have been on long hikes before but this was torture. Straight up boulders and tree roots and stumps. Straight down breaking your knees with every step. But I fucking did it. I only cried for the last 30 minutes of the trail! Shin splints. You bastards.

We were literally walking along a mountain ridge. It was terrifying.

Suffice to say, I am pretty much done with being outdoors for the year. Seriously. Nature, you are real pretty and all, but I am ok with hibernation for the rest of the year I think. I will just be an observer. From my window.

Onto my next venture, I am opening my studio in 13 fucking days. Holy shit. Our to-do list is fucking huge but it is good motivation. I can’t believe what a transformation the basement has seen in under a year. It is truly incredible to think that what was once a joke/dream of opening a studio in Fruitvale is actually manifesting.

Gah, I am running out of time now but I will write sooner than later! I need to pencil in some Crawly Land time once a week I think. Along with meditation time, yoga time, running time, food prep time, Biggie Smalls time, work time, cleaning time, class building time, TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME.


Finally I feel like I am living again 🙂





(Hi Jenny)





3 Daily Practices I’ve Adopted

I’ve been making a lot of self discoveries lately. Maybe because I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve been reflecting on where the fuck I’m going to go from here. Maybe because I’ve just figured out how to slow things down. I don’t know. But things have started changing and I’ve made a very mental and physical attempt to find spontaneity within my routine. I have been listening to a lot of quiet places and a lot of loud places and have felt this overwhelming need to make more space in my head for all these new sensations and ideas. I have been picking little.. rituals? I guess you can call them rituals. Little things from a lot of different places that just resonate with me. And I’ve been practicing them every day and I think I’m becoming a way happier person than I ever imagined possible. I thought I’d share just a few of them.

Wake up and be still in the morning.

I found myself in this habit of rolling over and grabbing my phone and slipping into the land of social media. I’d lie in bed for at least half an hour just scrolling through shit and all of this, whether I was aware of it or not, was dictating how I felt all day. Most the time, it was shitty or guilty. Shitty that I went another day without hitting the gym and how beautiful my idols looked on IG. Guilty that I ate a burger when I saw pictures of beautiful salads and vegan shit. Lonely when I saw pictures of my friends far away having a fucking blast without me. It really started to take a toll on me. So I’ve made an effort to wake up, roll out of bed, put the kettle on, let the puppy out and then I just sit with my tea. Sometimes I do some yoga. Sometimes I just sit and enjoy the silence. I wait until I’ve worked out and eaten before I look at my phone and am finding I am way more motivated and ambitious. 

Drink hot lemon tea.

It’s my jam. I’m borderline obsessed. Supposedly it gets your poop machine rolling and is good for all your physiological systems. It wakes me up and gives me a possibly false feeling of being healthy. Maybe it does nothing? I don’t know. Just do it.

The grass is fine right where you are.

This is sort of ironic because I literally live in a gravel pit with no grass. But I am consciously making an effort not to set myself up in the following way: IF I do this, THEN I will be happy/satisfied. Things are pretty damn awesome right this moment. It’s great to have goals and plans for the future. I really want to get my yoga business running and have plans on how I’m going to get to that point. But I am also really fucking happy right this moment. I have food, shelter, and so much fucking love it’s grosssss. Some people don’t have any of that. So instead of making lists and formulas of ways to get to the greener grass so that I can be happy, I make lists of things that I already have accomplished and stare at that for a while. Good work, Colleen. You fucking rule. Yes I would be happy to lose a few pounds. Make a million dollars. But a bunch of new clothes. But my gut keeps me warm. I’ve got all that I need. And if I wanted more outfit choices, I could just lose a few pounds and then all my old clothes would fit again. So I have everything I need right now. Except literal grass.  

Anywho, as I am writing this we have contractors installing beautiful cork floors in the studio. I might explode with joy. I will post pics once they are done but here are some befores:

I am going to go get some sun on my see through ass and drink some rosé. 🙏🏻💋🕶🍷🌮💁ૐ

French, France, Fries

In preparation for my honeymoon in Paris (NEXT FUCKING WEEK) I decided to make a French inspired dinner tonight. I have been reading French Women Don’t Get Fat and one of the recipes was for Apples and Pork Chops. It just so happened Karlin had pulled out pork chops and we had some fresh apples on the counter so voila.

It was super easy and tasted pretty good (although I have a cold and can’t really taste much). 

Put chops in a dish and pour some wine on them. Note: you can tell I am sick because I didn’t drink the rest of the bottle. Add some bay leaves, celery leaves, and jam a clove in each chop. Bake for 30 min at 375.

Meanwhile, chop celery very finely and sauté them for a few minutes. Then slice 2 apples and add the slices to the pan with some brown sugar and cook until the apples are tender!

This smells delicious. Even with a plugged nose.

Then after the chops are done, you sprinkle some Swiss cheese (I used marble because I didn’t have Swiss) and baste it with the wine sauce and broil for a few minutes. 

Lay the chops on top of the apple and celery mixture, put together a salad and you’re looking at a decent meal that’s not horribly bad for you.

My little croissant: please note this is Karlins plate. Suck my dick, garden tomatoes. 

I can’t believe I’m going to Paris in like ten days! We booked the three most important tickets yesterday. Front row seats at a fashion show (BALLLLLLLLERRRRR), tickets to a soccer game, and a tour of les catacombes. Underground burial tour filled with skeletons? ROMANCE. I might get pregnant that night. 

PSYCH! Kids are the worst. Sorry mom. #puppiesoverbabies 


She’s taken. Sorry future babies. 

Cauliflower: Not just my nickname..

I finally gave in and tried this cauliflower rice shenanigans. I have to hand it to you, cauliflower. You’re pretty alright!

I got some pointers how to make a good batch and gave it a shot because I’ve been eating way too much rice lately! It’s not horrible for you but it’s a lot of calories. 

So essentially, you cut your cauli into pieces so you can jam it into a food processor. 

Place in a bowl and run some other yummy things through the processor like parsley and onions. 

I’m sure you could add anything and it would be delicious. Fry up the onions and such in a big pan then when they are soft, add your cauli. Fry it for a few minutes until everything is all mixed in.

Add a tiny bit of broth and cover for another 5 min and you’re good to go! So much faster than rice and it tastes bomb ass. 

I also grilled some asparagus and threw some gang signs. 


BBQ some chicken and you got yourself one healthy dinner!

  Does anyone else think my chicken looks like a frog? This is like a 500 calorie dinner and I was full. Karlin said it was delicious but was still hungry but he’s a boy and can’t keep weight ON.. So I just made him eat ice cream after with PB2 and he was fine.. 

I’ve also discovered the beauty of mustard again. When I was gluten free I went to mustard when I needed flavour and happiness. I’m back again and man do I love mustard. I made a 400 calorie turkey sandwich and it was fucking delicious. Mostly due to the mustard! 

So it’s been a delicious week in food, despite being on a 1200 calorie diet. Tonight is Turkey spaghetti with spaghetti squash and I’m looking forward to bathing in Parmesan cheese. I could gargle with that shit. 

Down 2 pounds and almost back to my pre-may-long self. Pre-10000-beers. 

Hair hair

I’d like to apologize for my absence as I’ve been working. And when you read and write for a living, you don’t feel like reading and writing for fun. 

I’ve also been growing hair. I saw this silly thing on Pinterest that claimed you could regrow eyebrows using coconut oil and castor oil. 

I’m going to give it three weeks before posting the results but here is what my naked little eyebrows look like today.


Sad little bare naked bums.

Then I decided to be more fabulous and go blonde. Great success! 


I wouldn’t say blondes have more fun, but it sure looks perdy in the sun! I’ve also been taking biotin to grow my hair long for the wedding. So far my nails just grow like weeds. 

I am one pound away from being my “wedding weight”. I was looking back at all my posts complaining about food and working out and I can honestly say it has not been a fun journey. Every day I fight myself to work out. Even today, I’m lying in bed in my workout gear procrastinating because it’s leg day. And I just don’t wanna. Excersice hasn’t become “fun” for me at all during this process, even though fitness enthusiasts say you will learn to love your work out routine. Instead, I’ve just learned to feel guilty when I don’t work out. So the desire to not feel guilty trumps my desire to not work out every day. I guess that’s a success. I’ve changed my routine now that I’m not in such a hurry to lose weight. I’m doing more cardio days than weight lifting days, and I’ve stopped the MaxWorkouts because honestly, they are fucking killer. They make me want to vomit they are so hard. That was great to lose the weight but now I’m like chill brotha. You got this. 

I also feel like when it rains I do not want to move. Rain=Netflix. But I have work to do today unfortunately so I really should get my ass in the gym. 


Turkey stuffed orgasms

This is a leftover haters nightmare and a leftover lovers G spot.

Ingredients for peppers:
Lean ground turkey
1-1/2 cups Leftover basmati rice
3 cloves of garlic
Half an onion
3 red peppers
Blob of sweet chili sauce
Blob of Buffalo wing sauce
Salt and pepper
1/4 avocado that’s brown in my fridge
1 slice of havarti cheese
Cherry tomatoes that look like they have a day left in them.

Brown the turkey with all that crap in it. Stuff them into the peppers and top with ripped up havarti and avocado. Bake for 10 minutes at 350.

Spinach on its way out
Kale.. You son of a bitch, kale.
Old Strawberries like 4 big ones
Sunflower seeds
Green onions that sit forever in the fridge
Shredded carrot. Just one

Salad dressing:
Oil and vinegar!

If you don’t make this, you lose, man.
It took me about 20 min to make this. I was totally uninspired until I talked to Jen Savage. She made me do it. Ridiculously good.



Im not sure how many calories are in this dinner, but I am on week two of MaxWorkouts and felt like puking when I did today’s workout with Karlin. Yes we work out together. He’s friggin hot. I want his body. Wait.. I own his body. He’s mine I touched him last. OWN IT.

He had to drag me out of bed at 4:30pm today to workout. This was me today..


He makes me do extra sets and burpees. I love him less at these moments, but then I get over it.

Anywho, been dealing with a few haters this week so I am mentally drained and have zero nice things to say without writing the C word so I shall retire for the night xxx

India to Fruitvale: Butter Chicken Heaven

Butter chicken is usually a treat for Karlin and I because we can only get it in Castlegar at this little Indian hole in the wall. We have attempted to make it a few times and it’s always been less than satisfactory. The butter chicken in a jar is bland and full of preservatives, and the other recipes I have tried ended up just tasting like curried chicken, which is not what I crave.

So we attempted to make it again, this time taking care to marinade the tandoori chicken before hand.


The next most important step apparently is cartelizing onions. Who knew? It took probably 25-30 minutes. I love the smell of onions. Another one added to my list of delicious smelling recipes.


The only ingredient one could potentially not have is garam masala but I had some from previous failed attempts. I also added tandoori masala to the chicken marinade. I think next time I would put a little less cinnamon and a little more paprika also.


So ya then it’s pretty simple.. Add spices to onion and garlic mixture..


Add canned tomatoes and cook for a few minutes then add cream..


Blend it all together with my most favourite tool in the kitchen:


Add the marinaded chicken.


Open wine and make fun of your finances hockey team that’s losing..


And then eat! Bon appetite! Or whatever they say in India..


According to My Fitness Pal, one serving was only 190 calories so that’s great!

Last night I swear I went through wine withdrawal. We had a lovely pork tenderloin dinner and watched American Sniper and I just so badly craved wine. But I’m glad we didn’t because I woke up this morning and am down 2 stubborn ass pounds! WOOO

Nothing motivates me more than seeing dem pounds drop baby. I’m picking up my wedding dress next month and it leaves VERY little to the imagination so I’ve got to hit it hard for the next few months. Later, back chub.

I’m hoping to finish m wedding invitations today. I made them because I’m not a sucker and refused to pay like $200 for someone else to fuck around in Photoshop. I will post pics later. They sort of make me laugh and have a deer on them with flowers in his antlers.

I better get out of bed now! TEA TIME