2016: I survived with minor bruises

What a fucking year. I am lucky to say that I survived because so many people did not. We lost a lot of animal friends, people friends, and a lot of family this year. There were hundred of meltdowns. Tons of disappointments. Many moments of sheer “FUCK YOU WORLD”.

Why are some years so full of shit and burden and death? I will tell you why. You may not want to hear this though because when I am drowning in self pity I don’t want to hear this. But here it comes:

Everything happens for a reason, man.

 That’s it. Plain and simple. If you are looking around at other people’s lives on facebook and Instagram wondering why you aren’t married, having kids, looking fresh to death, eating kale and selling FitTea, here is the simple explanation: It’s just not your time. It is not in your cards. Let me give you a prime example:

My mom is trying to make the move west to live in the same town as me. She put her house up for sale with the most incompetent realtor on the planet. As a result, she had shitty people coming to see her house who lead her to believe she had sold her place, but it never happened. She was devastated. All she wanted was to move this year. So she got another realtor. Yes her house sat on the market all summer with no activity, but it was for the best because her new realtor has found some pretty promising leads and circumstances have changed. Mom now wants a bigger house than the one she previously had her eye on in my town. So if her place had sold with the shitty realtor, yes she would be here by now, but would still be faced with selling a home she didn’t want to be in. So in my eyes, it was just about timing. She wasn’t meant to sell the house until just the right time. She was also meant to stay in her house because her mother died this year and until that happened, I don’t truly think she was ready to leave.

It’s all about timing. Everyone is freaking saying how this was the worst year but I am choosing to go the higher road. I am choosing to believe that these life lessons, although seemingly harsh, were meant to make us stronger. More capable of taking control of our lives and figuring out what is important. Now I am a very emotional person. I wear my heart not on my sleeve but literally on the end of my nose. Everyone can see my emotions. So in the moment of something shitty happening, yes I lose my fucking cool. But always make sure you sit back, maybe a few days later, and reflect upon what happened. Try to figure out why this happened and what you can learn from it. Your attitude can literally change your environment.

Try and treat people you meet with love and dignity. Try not to be judgmental because you never know their story. If you have a rude cashier or server or bus driver, just remember that everyone has shit. MY first instinct is to think :”Wow what a fucking hag”. But perhaps as a New Years resolution, try to change your perspective and send them kind thoughts and energy. Even just smile at them and tell them to have a good day. I could change their whole day.

One of Karlin’s sisters best friends was killed suddenly on her birthday here in town 2 weeks ago and it was such a tragic loss. To say that it was meant to be is extremely hurtful for a grieving family. So what can we try and take away from this? I decided that the only lesson I could learn from this was to live each day like it was your last. Cut out the small shit that you obsess over. Make a list of things that are important to you and really spend some time prioritizing that list. 

Mine would look something like this:

 

  1. Ok the obvious :food, shelter, water, etc.
  2. Family/ Friends
  3. Biggie smalls
  4. My happiness
  5. Kraft dinner/pizza/tacos
  6. My health
  7. Wealth
  8. Nice leggings
  9. Cute nailpolish
  10. Number of likes on Instagram

Ok the end is largely a joke but you get the point. Make sure the top of your list is satisfied before you start to worry about the bottom of the list. Life is just too fucking short. Put your time and energy into doing things that make your heart sing. Yes, you have to work to make money to survive. But try to find happiness in the work you do. If you aren’t happy, do something about it.

We all have the ability to reciprocate and spread love so let’s add that to our list of New Years Resolutions. This world is becoming so fucked up (may I remind you of the 2016 clown invasion? And no I’m not taking about Clinton and Trump). We can heal at least our immediate environment by consciously choosing to be kind rather than right.  

Now, my previous post was about the Wild Rose herbal cleanse so I will follow up with this: I lost 5 pounds, felt really good, but as soon as those 12 days were over it was back to eating whatever I wanted. So zero lessons learned. Mind you it was the holidays so perhaps I will try again.

2016 taught me how to start my own business, build a yoga studio without beheading my husband, raise a beautiful little human (ok dog but he’s more human than anything), and how to be prepared for emergencies. 

So let’s all just take a deep fucking breath… and hold it for 4 more days until it’s 2017! All the best in the New Year kiddies 😘


 

Wild Rose Cleanse

Ok I’m on Day 8 of the Wild Rose Cleanse and I’ve been reading a lot of testimonials and I’m a bit confused. 

1) Everyone talks about how they shit non-stop. That’s just not the case for me? I mean I wake up and poop. It’s not pretty, but it’s a poop.. then I am usually good until the next day. Sometimes I have  another one in the late afternoon but not usually? Maybe I’m just so fucking healthy there’s no toxins to get rid of? Pfffft

2) People talk about the aches and pains they have like they are getting the flu. I’ve literally felt nothing like this. I’ve been grumpy AF because I want a cheeseburger and some fucking wine, but no flu symptoms. 

3) People are boasting they have lost 10-15 pounds on this cleanse. Ok I’m also on my period so maybe this has something to do with it but I’ve lost 2.5 pounds. In 8 days. That’s nothing to write home about and I’ve been following the diet to a T. I just read one where this chick caved on day 5 and drank every day for the rest of it and ate pizza and she’s like “tee hee I still lost 10 pounds” and I’m like YOU BITCH.

4) “I lost all my cravings for sugar and bad foods”. Are you serious? How? I caught myself staring at my dog today thinking about what he’d taste like with cheese on him. I need cheese in my life and small amounts of brown sugar. It’s what I’m most excited to eat. There’s not an hour that goes by without my mind creating a food fantasy. So shut up all you Internet liars saying you have no cravings near the end. (I will update you on day 12 if this miraculous event happens). 

5) “There’s lots to eat”. This is true but it’s all mega boring and you can’t put sauce on it because every god damn sauce has sugar or vinegar in it. 

So I think I have more energy and my belly is definetly flatter, but this has been a testament to my will power. I don’t think I’ve been this sober in 10 years. I guess that’s a good thing. But it’s super boring, dude. We have been really productive with all this spare time though. Amazing what you will clean when you’re avoiding the kitchen/liquor cabinet. 
I took before measurements so I’ll post my final results on Saturday morning (post shit). You’re welcome!

I’m dreaming of white wine at Christmas