Disclaimer: I don’t want this to become a blog about parenting but it probably will be because I have no fucking life currently outside of parenting. This post is a reflection on new parents. But first, here is some evidence that I am not the same person I used to be.
When I was younger I owned a rather large collection of DVDs. I can’t remember who gave them to me but my collection started when a cousin or someone’s friends daughter gave me all their shit garbage DVDs they wanted to throw out. In the midst of scratched copies of Leo’s Romeo and Juliet (best movie in the world) and other hits, there was this weird movie called Waking Life. I figured it was a cartoon for adults and you had to get really fucking stoned to appreciate it. So I got super stoned and watched it with whatever boyfriend I had at the time. It was a lot of philosophical bullshit, most of which I tuned out. One part caught my attention though and I would later have this conversation or versions of it many times in my life. I might even say I think about it at least once a month. It was two cartoon celebrities talking about how the cells in your body die and reproduce themselves all day all the time. Every 7 years (I’ve heard various time periods) all the cells in your body have all died and reproduced so that you are biologically not the same person you used to be. This fucking freaks me out. I know mentally I have matured (calm down Jen and mom, I am still very immature and laugh at farts and big poops) and with maturation comes change. But to think that I’m literally a different person is crazy. Every molecule in my body is not the same as it was 7 years ago. And here is proof: Karlin and I moved to Fruity 5 years ago roughly and bought this big gravel pit on the mountain. It was traditionally the neighbourhood kids hang out and toboggan hill. Once the Coffins threw their big house on the property, the hill was closed. I did not want children on my property. Ew. I honestly didn’t want to see toboggan tracks in the snow because it was just such a beautiful snowy paradise Christmas card.
We have a dope piece of property ok? So why would I want the sound of children playing joyfully interrupting whatever witchery I was up to. I seriously felt like the wicked witch of Area A but also gave no fucks. Children=HARD PASS.
Well. It happened. The evil bitch on the hill felt overcome by Christmas joy and opened the hill up for business on Sunday. I invited literally everyone I knew with kids to come over and toboggan and have a bonfire. I even made a big ass crockpot of hot chocolate and marshmallows for the snotty children. The result? It was a fucking blast! Everyone was like “oh it’s because you have a kid now” and that might be part of it but Archer slept inside the entire time and I was just giddy watching all the kids play together.
So I guess the Colleen from 5 years ago physically and mentally was a different person. Is that what growing up is? Recognizing change over the years? I know some people go through life not questioning anything and not putting things together in a broader picture but I am not one of those people. I look for patterns and loop holes and hidden doors. I think this is one of them. When you can look at your personal being and recognize significant change in behaviour there is a reason for it. When you notice something, small or large, coincidences or anything that catches your interest, I think it it the universe dangling carrots in your face leading you down the path you’re meant to be on. So pay attention. Having all these kids over and watching them play made me so fucking excited for the future. I saw Archie and his buds building forts and toboggan jumps and lighting fires and breaking arms. I felt a little insane as I stared at all these kids with a gleam in my eye. Don’t mind me, just dead staring your children while they play. Creep.
So I have changed. Old Colleen would not have tolerated toboggan paths on her pristine mountain side. New Colleen wants to beg neighborhood parents to send their kids over to make more paths. Don’t get me wrong, current Colleen loathes the thought of all these children inside my home. Stay the fuck outside. Keep your wet boots and snotty noses the fuck out of my palace. But who knows, maybe in 5 years I will open up a day home! (FUCKING KIDDING, RELAX)
Well I was going to write about the absurdity of new parents and not knowing what the fuck is going on ever and how crazy it is that as children, we thought our parents knew what they were doing when in reality they were just as clueless. I was going to write about that. But Karlin probably thinks I have fallen into the toilet by now and I can’t possibly fake an even longer poop so it will have to wait for another moment.
Follow your interests and anything that catches your thoughts! It’s all part of your destinnnnyyyyy (echoing voice)
Peace out, A town.