I think I might be one of them. I struggle daily with trying to decide whether I am a judgmental c-word, or if I am just really in touch with what I prefer. My mother always says “Don’t wait until you are 80 to start telling people to Fuck Off”. I have always lived by that. My stepmother, on the other hand, has always said “It is better to be kind, than it is to be right”, which I also agree with. So how do I live by both mantras?
Scenario A: I am faced with an acquaintance whom I immediately deem less intelligent than I am and a little on the cup of crazy side. Do I put up with their childish (dramatic) motions because it’s the polite thing to do, or do I dismiss them as unworthy of my time? It was brought to my attention in the last few months that I know precisely what I look for in a friend/role model.
Scenario B: Someone who I previously cherished and adored has taken a different path than I have and I can’t stand by their life choices. Do I politely stay “friends” to avoid being unkind? Or do I pull the plug so I don’t have to worry and lose sleep over their poor choices?
At what point is it OK to start banishing toxic people from your life?
I let go of my Maid of Honor.. We had been really tight BFFs for a long time. And then I just watched our friendship crumble. I knew that we were over a long time ago but it took a lot of guts to actually sever the relationship. Why didn’t I just wait until after the wedding and slowly let it dissipate? Like she likely would have done? Because FUCK THAT. I didn’t want to look back at my wedding pictures and have someone standing beside me that I no longer knew or cared about. Is that selfish? Or am I just lucky enough to know myself inside and out? To know exactly what bothers me and what isn’t worth my time? Am I a bitch because I cut ties with people whom were once a big part of my life? Or am I just good at…trimming the fat? (Jen.. pun intended).
I am compassionate for those who are less fortunate than I am. I don’t judge people who are a little white trash, uneducated, or just plain stupid. Wait, yes I do. Wait, no I don’t. If I meet someone who is (in my opinion) ghetto AF, do I say Fuck that! and choose not to allow them into my life, or do I try and feel compassionate and get to know them and not judge their lifestyle? The way I see it, I am doing both by choosing the Fuck That option. I am allowed to not like someone. That is my right. So how do I be kind about not liking someone? I cut them out of my life. I don’t try to take them down (I have been watching too much Gossip Girl) or hurt them in any way, but god damn it I am allowed to not like someone. I am allowed to be picky when it comes to the people I surround myself with. I am allowed to have a negative thought towards someone if I don’t agree with them. The difference is that I don’t announce my differences in a hurtful manner.
So I guess that means that being picky IS being judgmental. But being judgmental doesn’t have to be hurtful. So I can think FUCK THAT, but also be kind. Does that make me a bitch? Is that “two-faced”? Nobody likes everyone and everything. It is human nature not to like certain things. Like poison. And big hairy animals with sharp teeth. So to dislike something isn’t necessarily bitchy. It is survival. It keeps the baddies away.
So cheers to surviving, bitches! Be picky! Life is too short to waste time on people unworthy of your love and attention. I’d rather have 2 amazing friends than 50 half ass friends.