Seven days..

Say it like you’re the girl from The Ring. Because that is how I feel right now. 

Only I’m having a wayyyy better hair day. As it would appear I am getting married in 7 days. Holy hell. Everyone keeps asking how I’m feeling and it’s getting annoying. I feel like all I get done every day is make bigger longer lists. That’s all wedding planning is really. Making lists. Then people expect you to give them your delicate lists so they can do whatever is on said lists. But I can’t do that. I wish I could but every time I give someone something to do I feel like I should have just done it myself. I’m not a delegator. I’m a task hoarder. 

Actually my mom has been a huge help from across the country. I can do all the hands on shit if she makes phone calls. Fuck do I hate calling people. I feel like I need time to formulate responses. Email me. Text me. Don’t call me. I’d rather write a 44 minute-long email than have a brief phone conversation. It’s an introvert thing. Leave me alone.

So anywho, I think I should be a wedding craft maker. I pretty much loathe girly white wedding shit but I’ve been nailing the decor with some helpful suggestions from my sister in law. I get an idea and she tones it down and makes it slightly less redneck. 

Example one. 


Jen: Um.. K.. But you need to mount it on something cute. 


I wanted tin can centrepieces with wild flowers. Jen wrangled me in. 

I wanted everyone to have little hilarious barn animals as their place holders. BOOM.

I guess I shouldn’t give all my hilarious decorations away in case my friends decide to become followers today. 

So my bridesmaids threw me a ridiculous staggette in Calgary during the Stampede. Holy Christ was that a hang over. 

Please note my bridesmaid on the ground. I vaguely remember this and it was only 6:30. You did good, girls. Real good. 

It took me 3 days to recover after that 12 hour shift of drinking. Never again.. Until someone else gets married anyways.

On the plus side, I miraculously lost weight after that trip to Calgary. Not sure how. All I did was drink and eat burgers and pizza. I guess it’s what my body does when it’s stressed. I VANISH. 

I’ve managed to keep my goal weight steady for the last week whilst drinking wine every night! It’s like the best. I’ve also been swimming across the lake and hiking a lot so that might be combating the wine? All I know is I spent a year getting to this weight and now that it’s 7 days until go time, I suddenly can’t be bothered to lift weights and even look at the elliptical. It can suck it. I have 2 more days until Jenny poo comes then my mom and Clayt and dad and patty and grandma! Fulllll house. Full house of alcoholics. This is gonna be good. 

I’m getting fucking married guys!! 


Wedding Crafts for Crazy People

I have been crafting up a storm making this backdrop for my wedding ceremony. It’s taking forever and I’m starting to forget what shape a heart is. You know when you read a word over and over and it starts to not even look like a word? That’s what’s happening to me after cutting one trillion paper hearts and sewing them together. I have about 10 more strands to go. 


Don’t attempt this unless you like blisters on your fingers and have way too much time on your hands. 

Oh and for everyone dying to know how my eyebrow growing is coming along.. I’ll be damned.. Castor oil DOES work!! I don’t look like Vanilla Ice anymore!

For my next trick, I will attempt to create centre pieces out of recycled garbage! Keep it classy kids 😉 

Oh and some wedding pics from the weekend, before Rocky Balboa made an appearance!