Little Coffin: Coming Soon

   
 Ok don’t freak out. We are getting a puppy not a baby. But it’s pretty much the best thing in the whole world and I cannot wait to see a little puppy face every single morning!!!!

His name is Biggie Smalls.

I literally can’t even. I am going on a road trip to pick him up on January 23rd, which feels like 10 years from now.

I don’t even know how to handle my excitement. Like what do I do with my days now? I have already bought every accessory I could imagine and have been watching puppy training videos and reading puppy training books endlessly.

The yoga studio is also coming along. We are still framing in all the walls and ceilings. I have this grand idea for the ceiling in the main studio area that is either going to be the most epic Pinterest win, or the most devastating Pinterest fail. I am essentially creating an ombre ceiling. Just to make things difficult.

ombre-walls3.jpg

Like this. Only on the ceiling. GAME ON. Worst case scenario, I paint it all dark blue I guess!

I also started making a barn door for the laundry room. That project was taken away from me almost immediately. Men. My way would have been just fine but now it’s going to be this mega door that’s craftsmanned to shit. Waste of money because now all the wood I bought and stained is useless. So I am going to make a puppy gate and not tell anyone because then THAT will get taken away from me too. I don’t understand why I am not allowed to operate a saw. I’m not an idiot.

So lots of things on the go, but the days still feel ridiculously long! One can only do so much yoga by themselves.

  
11 days left!!!! EEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Being a Hero is Easy

Being a role model is way harder. I have decided that dogs and children are way easier to impress. I spent my weekend dealing with family drama regarding the wedding invite list. For anyone out there deciding if eloping is the better option, here’s a hot tip: IT IS. I wish I had done that instead. Now that I have so much money put down for deposits, this is no longer an option for me so I must suck it up and carry on with this dooms day.

I’ve been searching for advice online how to cope with wedding planning stress and the best advice I’ve found is that at the end of the day, all that matters is that I marry my bestfriend and love of my life. All the rest is bullshit. Corsages? Fucking ugly and I hate them. So nobody gets one. Sorry moms and grandmas. NAMW. $200+ for each bridesmaid bouquet? Suck it. You can carry broccoli bunches wrapped in ribbon. Don’t like who you’re sitting by? Screw you all no seating plan. Your dad doesn’t want to come due to deep seeded 25 year old drama that has nothing to do with you? I’ll take pics and send them your way. Oh you’re sad I invited some of your friends and not you even though we haven’t spoken in 3 years? I’ll take a shot for you, homebrew.

Some other good advice from my dad: “Just do what I do. Pretend you’re a pyramid made out of titanium so anything that comes your way just hits you and falls to the floor”.

Touché pops, touché.

IMG_1022

Hey beads.. See what I did there..

On the plus side, I ordered 400 ft of adorable glass globe lights so my wedding can look like every other wedding on Pinterest. SUCCESS.

I’m also attempting to grow all of the flowers needed for my wedding. This should be hilarious. I promise to update with pics.

IMG_1023

We spent the weekend working on the guest suite and I’m extremely excited about it because I have been given full decorating reign. Picking a paint colour is a lot harder than expected. But that’s still a ways away. This week I’m tackling the taping and mudding. I’ve watched about 3 YouTube videos on how to do it and consider myself fully trained and prepared now. Oh baby. This is going to be good. Also, thoughts on wallpaper? I found some bomb ass stuff on Amazon that I really like. Just for one wall…

FUCKING LOOK AT IT JEN

I’m also going to make some curtains because I adopted some heavy mint green upholstery fabric and its taunting me from the office. Every time I walk by I see a corner of it under the couch because that’s where I jammed it. It’s like COME PLAY WITH ME..

IMG_1024

….

IMG_1027

….

IMG_1026

So to cheer ourselves up we spent some time with Karlins nieces because they act like they have just taken large hits from the bong.
After building a nest for Madi, she decided we needed to build another one right beside it because this one was for the friendly snakes. The friendly snakes that made honey. Green honey… Oh BUT WE HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO MAKE THE HONEY.

IMG_1019

I was like “where does mommy hide her drugs?” If you ever want a good laugh, ask a three year old to describe an episode of Bubble Guppies. You are bound to receive a response similar to someone who has taken a lot of acid.
The next night we were invited to go bowling in the basement of the Fruitvale Hall. How could I even resist seeing this gem.
At first it was like meh. Alright.

IMG_0997

Then we requested the lady who was running the busy place to turn on the cool lights. Boom. Magic town.

IMG_1001

We also discovered that Madi is related to Beyoncé and runs the world.

IMG_1028

So things got weird this weekend in summary.

It was really nice I didn’t have to cook on Saturday! Karlins sister made these ridiculously delicious Vietnamese wraps with vermicelli noodles, salmon, cucumbers, peppers, peanuts and more. Of course I didn’t eat the salmon because that’s disgusting dude. Madi and I got special chicken made just for us. Because we are children. I should have taken a pic but didn’t want to be weird. I will recreate this week perhaps because they were delicious!

I’m going to go make some chili and drill some more screws into the drywall so I can begin my masterpiece.

5 Ways for Unathletic People to Enjoy Winter

The words “enjoy” and “winter” rarely belong beside each other in a sentence unless the sentence is “I DO NOT ENJOY WINTER”. I hate winter. I hate my pastey translucent blue veiny skin colour I acquire during the months of November to March. I have a major case of heliophelia and dislike short, dark days. I also hate when people find out I live in the beautiful mountains and don’t ski or snowboard.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0218.jpg

It’s as if I have insulted them and their beloved overpriced hobby. I am just not a gifted athlete. I tried to learn how to ski and snowboard for YEARS. Mostly because the outfits looked cute and I thought I could pick up guys in the ski lodge. Instead I suffered from broken bones and the feeling of failure. Two years ago I finally gave up on trying to be a cool snowboarder and said fuck it. Best choice I ever made. Now I am faced with a new challenge: getting through the winter without wanting to kill myself! So I have composed the following list on how I am coping.

1) Snow shoeing. It requires a lot of effort, but pretty much no skill. If you can walk, you will probably be able to snow shoe. It is an excellent workout (I am super sweaty after an hour) and you have the chance to see some gorgeous landscapes you might not see if you hate skiing and snowboarding like me! I was out this morning and it was beautiful and a great workout.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0217.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0190.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0216.jpg

2) Start a spring/summer garden!

Indoors of course. I have been reading this awesome book on gardens and what to plant with what. I highly recommend it. For example, plant leeks with carrots for a natural pesticide. Apparently carrot mites hate the smell of leeks. I have been designing my raised beds for spring and drawing up what I am going to plant and where. In a few weeks I will start my seedlings inside! Excitement.

>/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_02191.jpg

3) Mother effin GT Snow Racers

Let’s just say, if you have a hill in your backyard like this..

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0220.jpg

… Or in your neighbourhood, you need one of these…

http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?t=cralan01-20&o=15&p=8&l=as1&asins=B00AWNOYLQ&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

BUH- LEEE DAT

4) Be gourmet! Embrace weird ingredients!

My mom bought me this amazing cook book by Thomas Keller called Ad Hoc at Home: Family-Style Recipes

It is by far one of the most beautiful cookbooks I own. It’s huge and the illustrations are gorgeous, not to mention his detailed recipes. He actually takes the time to describe proper cooking techniques and his food is so hearty and savoury. For example, I learned how to poach an egg the proper way! Not using those little cup things. I will post on that later. Anyways, it’s a gorgeous coffee table-sized cook book and was probably one of my favourite gifts I received this Christmas! If you have any hard to buy for people in your life, this is perfect. It makes you feel empowered to attempt even the most gourmet recipes! The roasted veggie side dishes are absolutely to die for. Turnips, parsnips, and beets have become guests in my refrigerator and pantry because of this guy! Celery root with melted onions is so simple and delicious. Mushroom conserva or saffron rice are great starter gourmet recipes. Try new things! Buy or borrow cook books and make a date night out of it!

5) Host a Cards Against Humanity
night

You would have to have a pretty boring and awful group of friends if you didn’t enjoy this game. Paired with a bottle or two of cheap red wine, you’re sure to have a good night.

So this is how I spend my winters. Not skiing or snowboarding or snowmobiling (although if I were rich I might buy one). So stop whining about the cold, buy a Canada Goose jacket, and be productive! And squat. Do lots of squats. Your bikini bottom will thank you in the summer.

WIN OF THE DAY:
I have perfected the at home London Fog

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/49d/79472305/files/2015/01/img_0184.jpg
<br /