3 Daily Practices I’ve Adopted

I’ve been making a lot of self discoveries lately. Maybe because I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve been reflecting on where the fuck I’m going to go from here. Maybe because I’ve just figured out how to slow things down. I don’t know. But things have started changing and I’ve made a very mental and physical attempt to find spontaneity within my routine. I have been listening to a lot of quiet places and a lot of loud places and have felt this overwhelming need to make more space in my head for all these new sensations and ideas. I have been picking little.. rituals? I guess you can call them rituals. Little things from a lot of different places that just resonate with me. And I’ve been practicing them every day and I think I’m becoming a way happier person than I ever imagined possible. I thought I’d share just a few of them.

Wake up and be still in the morning.

I found myself in this habit of rolling over and grabbing my phone and slipping into the land of social media. I’d lie in bed for at least half an hour just scrolling through shit and all of this, whether I was aware of it or not, was dictating how I felt all day. Most the time, it was shitty or guilty. Shitty that I went another day without hitting the gym and how beautiful my idols looked on IG. Guilty that I ate a burger when I saw pictures of beautiful salads and vegan shit. Lonely when I saw pictures of my friends far away having a fucking blast without me. It really started to take a toll on me. So I’ve made an effort to wake up, roll out of bed, put the kettle on, let the puppy out and then I just sit with my tea. Sometimes I do some yoga. Sometimes I just sit and enjoy the silence. I wait until I’ve worked out and eaten before I look at my phone and am finding I am way more motivated and ambitious. 

Drink hot lemon tea.

It’s my jam. I’m borderline obsessed. Supposedly it gets your poop machine rolling and is good for all your physiological systems. It wakes me up and gives me a possibly false feeling of being healthy. Maybe it does nothing? I don’t know. Just do it.

The grass is fine right where you are.

This is sort of ironic because I literally live in a gravel pit with no grass. But I am consciously making an effort not to set myself up in the following way: IF I do this, THEN I will be happy/satisfied. Things are pretty damn awesome right this moment. It’s great to have goals and plans for the future. I really want to get my yoga business running and have plans on how I’m going to get to that point. But I am also really fucking happy right this moment. I have food, shelter, and so much fucking love it’s grosssss. Some people don’t have any of that. So instead of making lists and formulas of ways to get to the greener grass so that I can be happy, I make lists of things that I already have accomplished and stare at that for a while. Good work, Colleen. You fucking rule. Yes I would be happy to lose a few pounds. Make a million dollars. But a bunch of new clothes. But my gut keeps me warm. I’ve got all that I need. And if I wanted more outfit choices, I could just lose a few pounds and then all my old clothes would fit again. So I have everything I need right now. Except literal grass.  

Anywho, as I am writing this we have contractors installing beautiful cork floors in the studio. I might explode with joy. I will post pics once they are done but here are some befores:

I am going to go get some sun on my see through ass and drink some rosé. 🙏🏻💋🕶🍷🌮💁ૐ


Eggs and shoulders, yo

For those of you that know me, you will know that I have an extreme hate for eggs. I find them smelly and vile and they remind me of old man balls. They way they jiggle and look like flesh and stare at you like “I dare you to put me in your mouth”. They are extremely gross and remind me of sad little chicken abortions.. which is pretty much exactly what they are. Who decided to try to eat an egg in the first place? Like some farmer must have been really high to take something from a chicken butt and then fry it up and eat it. Barf. So you must be wondering how I have managed to get away without eating eggs my entire life. Well, I haven’t. I will eat them, but they must be cleverly disguised. Costumes can range from cheese suits, buttery toast sandwiches and most recently: tacos. I know most of you are going to look at this and think “dude, that’s just a breakfast burrito”, and I am totally aware of this. But in Crawly Land, breakfast burritos are closely linked to eggs. So I prefer to call my breakfast a Non-Egg Breakfast Taco. Behold..

So I put all the ingredients into My Fitness Pal and it turns out, this Non-Egg Breakfast Taco has under 400 calories. I didn’t think it would keep me full all morning but it’s noon and I am not starving! Success. Unfortunately, I had to deal with the smell of frying eggs to make it, but it was worth it. It was like a shitty taco. With my strong love for tacos leading me through it, I was able to plow through and eat it quite happily.

Speaking of tacos, I decided the best thing to do was stay with the theme of the day and make tacos for dinner. I found a slow cooker recipe for pork shoulder that involved a ton of garlic and tomatoes and lots of yummy spices like coriander and cumin. So after pumping it full of garlic every place I could, I covered it in salt and pepper, threw in a can of tomatoes, and now it is filling my house with an amazing aroma.

My plan for tonight is to whip up some guacamole, caramelize some onions and peppers, and throw some salsa on top of the shredded pork shoulder. I have to run to the store later and might see if I can pick up some cabbage and soak it in some white wine vinegar. Just to impress Karlin. Side note: this did not happen.

Ok so holy hell. These were bomb ass taco/burritos. I added some beer to the crock pot about half way through for no reason other than I wanted to drink half a beer around 1 PM without feeling guilty. After 10 hours the meat fell off the bone. I took about 3/4 of the liquid out and shredded the meat, then added some chili powder and cumin. I caramelized some beauty onions and peppers. Topped with a bit of cheese and some guacamole and these things were unbelievable. They were probably not bad calorie wise.. But I ate 3 of them. Oopsies! 

I paired it with an entire bottle of leftover wedding wine too! Maybe that’s why it all tasted so amazing? Whatever. Fuck it. It was delicious. 


Bingey Bingerson

I have to admit that my diet and exercise is the first to go when life gets crazy.. and my life has been pretty fucking hectic lately! This is literally the first moment I have been alone and had time to myself in 3 weeks. I am the type of introvert that needs time alone a lot. Getting married was the best time of my life but also really hard for me because I was surrounded by family and friends non stop and today I just feel super drained. I need a day to regroup. Actually I probably need a week at least! My fridge is filled with terribly delicious things that I am finding hard to resist.

Cherry cheese cake..

Apple pie..

Leftover pizza…

Cheese of all sorts..

I decided I needed to get inspired again by healthy foods because I swear I have gained 15 pounds in the last two weeks from all the drinking and horrid meals I have been mashing into my face. Last night Karlin made a salad and I was like WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?!?! This.. GREENNESS!!!

So anyways, I’m pulling out some of my favourite cook books to get inspired again.

So let my culinary adventures begin again! I think my first order of business is to go back to my taco obsession. There are tons of creative non-meat taco fillings that I am pretty sure I could convince Karlin to eat. If anyone has any recipe suggestions I would love to hear them!

PS. Yesterday I ate Mcdonalds and Kraft Dinner.. I feel better admitting this. Barfzilla.