Newbies

Disclaimer: I don’t want this to become a blog about parenting but it probably will be because I have no fucking life currently outside of parenting. This post is a reflection on new parents. But first, here is some evidence that I am not the same person I used to be.

When I was younger I owned a rather large collection of DVDs. I can’t remember who gave them to me but my collection started when a cousin or someone’s friends daughter gave me all their shit garbage DVDs they wanted to throw out. In the midst of scratched copies of Leo’s Romeo and Juliet (best movie in the world) and other hits, there was this weird movie called Waking Life. I figured it was a cartoon for adults and you had to get really fucking stoned to appreciate it. So I got super stoned and watched it with whatever boyfriend I had at the time. It was a lot of philosophical bullshit, most of which I tuned out. One part caught my attention though and I would later have this conversation or versions of it many times in my life. I might even say I think about it at least once a month. It was two cartoon celebrities talking about how the cells in your body die and reproduce themselves all day all the time. Every 7 years (I’ve heard various time periods) all the cells in your body have all died and reproduced so that you are biologically not the same person you used to be. This fucking freaks me out. I know mentally I have matured (calm down Jen and mom, I am still very immature and laugh at farts and big poops) and with maturation comes change. But to think that I’m literally a different person is crazy. Every molecule in my body is not the same as it was 7 years ago. And here is proof: Karlin and I moved to Fruity 5 years ago roughly and bought this big gravel pit on the mountain. It was traditionally the neighbourhood kids hang out and toboggan hill. Once the Coffins threw their big house on the property, the hill was closed. I did not want children on my property. Ew. I honestly didn’t want to see toboggan tracks in the snow because it was just such a beautiful snowy paradise Christmas card.

We have a dope piece of property ok? So why would I want the sound of children playing joyfully interrupting whatever witchery I was up to. I seriously felt like the wicked witch of Area A but also gave no fucks. Children=HARD PASS.

Well. It happened. The evil bitch on the hill felt overcome by Christmas joy and opened the hill up for business on Sunday. I invited literally everyone I knew with kids to come over and toboggan and have a bonfire. I even made a big ass crockpot of hot chocolate and marshmallows for the snotty children. The result? It was a fucking blast! Everyone was like “oh it’s because you have a kid now” and that might be part of it but Archer slept inside the entire time and I was just giddy watching all the kids play together.

So I guess the Colleen from 5 years ago physically and mentally was a different person. Is that what growing up is? Recognizing change over the years? I know some people go through life not questioning anything and not putting things together in a broader picture but I am not one of those people. I look for patterns and loop holes and hidden doors. I think this is one of them. When you can look at your personal being and recognize significant change in behaviour there is a reason for it. When you notice something, small or large, coincidences or anything that catches your interest, I think it it the universe dangling carrots in your face leading you down the path you’re meant to be on. So pay attention. Having all these kids over and watching them play made me so fucking excited for the future. I saw Archie and his buds building forts and toboggan jumps and lighting fires and breaking arms. I felt a little insane as I stared at all these kids with a gleam in my eye. Don’t mind me, just dead staring your children while they play. Creep.

So I have changed. Old Colleen would not have tolerated toboggan paths on her pristine mountain side. New Colleen wants to beg neighborhood parents to send their kids over to make more paths. Don’t get me wrong, current Colleen loathes the thought of all these children inside my home. Stay the fuck outside. Keep your wet boots and snotty noses the fuck out of my palace. But who knows, maybe in 5 years I will open up a day home! (FUCKING KIDDING, RELAX)

Well I was going to write about the absurdity of new parents and not knowing what the fuck is going on ever and how crazy it is that as children, we thought our parents knew what they were doing when in reality they were just as clueless. I was going to write about that. But Karlin probably thinks I have fallen into the toilet by now and I can’t possibly fake an even longer poop so it will have to wait for another moment.

Follow your interests and anything that catches your thoughts! It’s all part of your destinnnnyyyyy (echoing voice)

Peace out, A town.

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2016: I survived with minor bruises

What a fucking year. I am lucky to say that I survived because so many people did not. We lost a lot of animal friends, people friends, and a lot of family this year. There were hundred of meltdowns. Tons of disappointments. Many moments of sheer “FUCK YOU WORLD”.

Why are some years so full of shit and burden and death? I will tell you why. You may not want to hear this though because when I am drowning in self pity I don’t want to hear this. But here it comes:

Everything happens for a reason, man.

That’s it. Plain and simple. If you are looking around at other people’s lives on facebook and Instagram wondering why you aren’t married, having kids, looking fresh to death, eating kale and selling FitTea, here is the simple explanation: It’s just not your time. It is not in your cards. Let me give you a prime example:

My mom is trying to make the move west to live in the same town as me. She put her house up for sale with the most incompetent realtor on the planet. As a result, she had shitty people coming to see her house who lead her to believe she had sold her place, but it never happened. She was devastated. All she wanted was to move this year. So she got another realtor. Yes her house sat on the market all summer with no activity, but it was for the best because her new realtor has found some pretty promising leads and circumstances have changed. Mom now wants a bigger house than the one she previously had her eye on in my town. So if her place had sold with the shitty realtor, yes she would be here by now, but would still be faced with selling a home she didn’t want to be in. So in my eyes, it was just about timing. She wasn’t meant to sell the house until just the right time. She was also meant to stay in her house because her mother died this year and until that happened, I don’t truly think she was ready to leave.

It’s all about timing. Everyone is freaking saying how this was the worst year but I am choosing to go the higher road. I am choosing to believe that these life lessons, although seemingly harsh, were meant to make us stronger. More capable of taking control of our lives and figuring out what is important. Now I am a very emotional person. I wear my heart not on my sleeve but literally on the end of my nose. Everyone can see my emotions. So in the moment of something shitty happening, yes I lose my fucking cool. But always make sure you sit back, maybe a few days later, and reflect upon what happened. Try to figure out why this happened and what you can learn from it. Your attitude can literally change your environment.

Try and treat people you meet with love and dignity. Try not to be judgmental because you never know their story. If you have a rude cashier or server or bus driver, just remember that everyone has shit. MY first instinct is to think :”Wow what a fucking hag”. But perhaps as a New Years resolution, try to change your perspective and send them kind thoughts and energy. Even just smile at them and tell them to have a good day. I could change their whole day.

One of Karlin’s sisters best friends was killed suddenly on her birthday here in town 2 weeks ago and it was such a tragic loss. To say that it was meant to be is extremely hurtful for a grieving family. So what can we try and take away from this? I decided that the only lesson I could learn from this was to live each day like it was your last. Cut out the small shit that you obsess over. Make a list of things that are important to you and really spend some time prioritizing that list.

Mine would look something like this:

  1. Ok the obvious :food, shelter, water, etc.
  2. Family/ Friends
  3. Biggie smalls
  4. My happiness
  5. Kraft dinner/pizza/tacos
  6. My health
  7. Wealth
  8. Nice leggings
  9. Cute nailpolish
  10. Number of likes on Instagram

Ok the end is largely a joke but you get the point. Make sure the top of your list is satisfied before you start to worry about the bottom of the list. Life is just too fucking short. Put your time and energy into doing things that make your heart sing. Yes, you have to work to make money to survive. But try to find happiness in the work you do. If you aren’t happy, do something about it.

We all have the ability to reciprocate and spread love so let’s add that to our list of New Years Resolutions. This world is becoming so fucked up (may I remind you of the 2016 clown invasion? And no I’m not taking about Clinton and Trump). We can heal at least our immediate environment by consciously choosing to be kind rather than right.

Now, my previous post was about the Wild Rose herbal cleanse so I will follow up with this: I lost 5 pounds, felt really good, but as soon as those 12 days were over it was back to eating whatever I wanted. So zero lessons learned. Mind you it was the holidays so perhaps I will try again.

2016 taught me how to start my own business, build a yoga studio without beheading my husband, raise a beautiful little human (ok dog but he’s more human than anything), and how to be prepared for emergencies.

So let’s all just take a deep fucking breath… and hold it for 4 more days until it’s 2017! All the best in the New Year kiddies 😘