Just another day in Pari(s)dice

Today was MUCH better than yesterday omg. To start off, we planned to be at the Eiffel Tower by 9 AM to beat the line ups.

We woke up at 10:30 AM. And like.. Did not want to get up. 

Once I showered and realized that none of my hair appliances worked (yes even with an adapter) we went for a cafe au lait across the street and some breakfast. Which was just a baguette with jam. Which happens to be MY JAM. 

We decide we would just have a chill day and walk along the water and explore because it was too late to go get in line at any of the historical sites. 

Then we found ourselves at Notre Dame because it was like right around the block! I still can’t get over the military personel here. They look like they would blow your fuckin head off if you blinked out of sync. 

So I tried to take a stealth pic of them when they weren’t looking through my soul. 

It was absolutely stunning inside. 

After we wandered down to the river and found a boat bus! We decided we would go see the Eiffel Tower but only made it like two stops before I was like IM HUNGRY AND GETTING GRUMPY. So we got off at the Louvre and walked half a block until I saw the word PIZZA. 

It was heaven. Well done French people. You are good at making jam and pizza. 

Right across from the pizza place was the Hotel de Ville (basically their city hall) which was like a magic castle.

We decided after our pizza fuel we would continue on to the tower. On the way we saw a bunch of crazy buildings that we will likely go back to. And the Statue of Liberty? I don’t even know.

Once we got off the boat my heart stopped and I died because one of those stupid mime/human statues was staring at me and I was having flashbacks from the Last Exorcism 2. He made me come closer and stand with him. It was awful. I played along so he didn’t shank me but my heart was coming out of my throat while all the bystanders laughed. Ha ha ha. Real fucking funny. I might get murdered by this soulless carny, but you go ahead and enjoy your stupid baguettes you French fucks. 

This is as close as I would get to him and shuddered when he tried to get closer. Like stand still. You’re a statue you creepy fuck. 

Ugh. So wrong.

Anyways. We took so many selfies at the tower because what else do you fucking do when you’re on vacation somewhere awesome? Side rant: the selfie stick is so fucking annoying. Every other tourist has one and I’m constantly dodging them as I walk down streets in Paris. I haven’t been this annoyed by a novelty item since those absolutely degenerate “heelys” shoes hit Canada. You know those stupid shoes with wheels. Ugh. White people. 

So here’s some selfies because SELFIES.




We didn’t go up because like I said, we were way too late and the line ups would have made me throw up and faint. We will go up another day. 

Oh and by the way, the park build the tower where people allegedly lounge around on the grass and take effortless cute photos? It smells like a rancid petting zoo and is so destroyed by tourists that 90% of it is literally fenced off because the grass stopped growing. So good job, gross humans! Keep up the good work. 

On our way home we grabbed some fresh baguettes and a fuck load of cheese and salami and so much wine we looked stupid. Like they encourage you use your own bags and as punishment supply these ball hair-thin see though bags so everyone can see your groceries. Like excuse me but all of Paris doesn’t need to see my Plan B, extra large condoms, hemmorhoid bullets and 5 bottles of $4 wine. K it was just wine. But still. 

So I made Karlin carry the bags obv. 

All you could hear for 3 blocks was the clanging of the wine bottles. It was slightly embarrassing so I walked ahead of him.   

We got back to the apartment and ate too much and drank too much and went for a stroll to see all the freaks. I love Paris!

I need to shop tomorrow. What is wrong with me? All I’ve done is eat here. Tomorrow I must start buying clothes! 


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