Eggs and shoulders, yo

For those of you that know me, you will know that I have an extreme hate for eggs. I find them smelly and vile and they remind me of old man balls. They way they jiggle and look like flesh and stare at you like “I dare you to put me in your mouth”. They are extremely gross and remind me of sad little chicken abortions.. which is pretty much exactly what they are. Who decided to try to eat an egg in the first place? Like some farmer must have been really high to take something from a chicken butt and then fry it up and eat it. Barf. So you must be wondering how I have managed to get away without eating eggs my entire life. Well, I haven’t. I will eat them, but they must be cleverly disguised. Costumes can range from cheese suits, buttery toast sandwiches and most recently: tacos. I know most of you are going to look at this and think “dude, that’s just a breakfast burrito”, and I am totally aware of this. But in Crawly Land, breakfast burritos are closely linked to eggs. So I prefer to call my breakfast a Non-Egg Breakfast Taco. Behold..

So I put all the ingredients into My Fitness Pal and it turns out, this Non-Egg Breakfast Taco has under 400 calories. I didn’t think it would keep me full all morning but it’s noon and I am not starving! Success. Unfortunately, I had to deal with the smell of frying eggs to make it, but it was worth it. It was like a shitty taco. With my strong love for tacos leading me through it, I was able to plow through and eat it quite happily.

Speaking of tacos, I decided the best thing to do was stay with the theme of the day and make tacos for dinner. I found a slow cooker recipe for pork shoulder that involved a ton of garlic and tomatoes and lots of yummy spices like coriander and cumin. So after pumping it full of garlic every place I could, I covered it in salt and pepper, threw in a can of tomatoes, and now it is filling my house with an amazing aroma.

My plan for tonight is to whip up some guacamole, caramelize some onions and peppers, and throw some salsa on top of the shredded pork shoulder. I have to run to the store later and might see if I can pick up some cabbage and soak it in some white wine vinegar. Just to impress Karlin. Side note: this did not happen.

Ok so holy hell. These were bomb ass taco/burritos. I added some beer to the crock pot about half way through for no reason other than I wanted to drink half a beer around 1 PM without feeling guilty. After 10 hours the meat fell off the bone. I took about 3/4 of the liquid out and shredded the meat, then added some chili powder and cumin. I caramelized some beauty onions and peppers. Topped with a bit of cheese and some guacamole and these things were unbelievable. They were probably not bad calorie wise.. But I ate 3 of them. Oopsies! 

I paired it with an entire bottle of leftover wedding wine too! Maybe that’s why it all tasted so amazing? Whatever. Fuck it. It was delicious. 



2 thoughts on “Eggs and shoulders, yo

  1. gotta wonder about the old man’s balls analogy….. exactly HOW familiar are you with those? and Congrats on what looks like a gorgeous wedding…. rain and all!!


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