Vietnamese Salad, Chicken Buttholes, and Peruvian Beef Fry

My week in food has been pretty amazing considering I’ve managed to stick to my diet.
I created a Vietnamese rice bowl after getting the hankering for viet wraps. I basically cooked some ground chicken with garlic, fish oil, brown sugar and soya sauce and laid it on top of vermicelli noodles, cabbage, carrots, cucumbers, peanuts and hoisin sauce. Karlin and I didn’t talk for about 6 minutes straight because we inhaled our salads. I was a bit butt sore because the vermicelli noodles are pretty horrible for you, but I got over it quickly..

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Please note my faker chop sticks. For those of us who want to look cool while we eat for about 1 minute, then decide fuck it and go back to the kitchen and grab forks. I’d rather go to the dentist than torture my mouth and hands by delicately trying to grab slippery noodles with two stupid sticks. A for effort. B for butthole. Speaking of butthole..

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I felt like Ted Bundy photographing this poor delicious spread eagle bird… Then eating it.. K that was a gross Ted Bundy reference. I’ll stop. Anyways, we bought a few of these chickens for like $5 each which is a steal! I used one of Jamie Oliver’s recipes because he is so lazy and easy to follow. The man doesn’t even make you peel your garlic. I love it. Stab a lemon a few times and toss Er into the bird. Jam some uncomfortable Rosemary and bay leaves inside and voila!

The other nights dinner took the cake. I’ve been super fucking angry and hormonal and ragey this week and wanted red meat and anything else I could fit into my mouth (within my calorie range obv). I also drank a lot because it seems to counter attack my rage. To illustrate how I felt and looked all week:

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So I set out to make fries and beef. I ended up making quite amazing baked fries by slicing a potatoe into little frenchies and baking them drizzled in s&p and garlic powder.

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I found a recipes for Peruvian beef stir fry and improvised some of it. I cut the sirloin steak into slices and seasoned with s&p and cumin. Browned these bits up in a frying pan and added peppers, onions, garlic and tomatoe wedges. After a few minutes I added Apple cider vinegar and soya sauce. It was frigging incredible. Served on top of fries. Gargle.

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So it was a pretty delicious week in food! Thank god because if I was dieting, working out like a mule, PMSing AND eating boring shit food, I’d kill a bitch.

On another note, we booked our honeymoon ❤ Karlin was getting discouraged about the cost of Paris and suggested we go to New York instead.. New York… This was my face..

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So I did what I always do when I don’t get my way.

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Few wine and beer and rums later… We booked our honeymoon to PARISSSSSSS! Another runaway victory in Crawly Land. Shit. Karlins going to read this and totally be onto me now. BUT ITS PARIS. He will thank me when we are sitting along the river bank drinking gorgeous wine and eating baguettes and cheese. Je aime la ville des lumières!

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