Fuck You Curry Lentils

So I gave myself food poisoning. Good job, champ. I made this “delicious curry lentil chicken” bullshit and have been unable to process food the same way ever since. So here is my review on lentils.

THEY ARE GROSS.

Ok, on their behalf I feel obliged to admit that my chicken was closing in on 5 days old in the fridge and who knows how long it had been at the grocery store. But still. Lentils are forever ruined. I will never ignore my mothers advice ever again. Quiz time: which of these pictures looks more like curry lentil garbage?

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Trick question! They both are curry lentil garbage!

I went to Nelson to go to hot yoga yesterday and have lunch. I was about 30 minutes into the torture when all of the sudden I felt a horrible sensation. I was almost positive I pooped a little. (I later checked. I did not). Jen and I discussed this and determined it was just a heavy air fart. Regardless, it has been downhill pretty much since then. Yes, this is information you need to know so you never make the same mistake. Also, don’t use old chicken. I am often too frugal to waste meat so instead of saving myself the pain, I usually always give it a quick sniff, conclude that it smells kind of gross, then cook with it anyways. Luckily, it tasted so bad from the terrible spices (I’m looking at you cumin and coriander) that I warned Karlin not to eat it. So he escaped the bad chicken… and gross lentils.

If you are wondering which shitty recipe I used so you can never make it, you may find it HERE. I find it sort of ironic that the recipe comes from a blog called Slimming Eats. Yea.. it’s slimming alright. BECAUSE NO FOOD CAN SURVIVE IN YOUR BODY AFTER YOU EAT CURRY LENTILS.

I am starting to feel better now though. We just took the dog snow shoeing around our property (because I refused to go anywhere further without a toilet) and it was good. There is about 3 feet of snow. Or deeper. It is crazy! Also, I look special.

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We are going to Spokane on Tuesday so Karlin can write his NERC exam. I guess I don’t have to come, but who passes up a free work trip? NOT I.  I am excited because I am going to go to A MALL. A REAL MALLLLLLL. I think I need some new workout gear. I hate when pants pill and my wunderunders are pilling badly. They are also getting loose around the band so I need a smaller pair. WHAT WHATTTTT. There is going to be some celebrating after the exam because Karlin and his buddy are both writing at the same time. So I am planning on getting in my workout tomorrow, Tuesday morning, then Thursday night. Sorry Wednesday. You lose.

Jen and I had our first sober weekend this weekend. WHAT DO SOBER PEOPLE DO FOR FUN!? I don’t get it. I was so fucking bored. I’m not saying booze is necessary to have a good time, but sharing a bottle of wine with dinner is just so nice! Watching a movies with a little vodkie is so much more fun than watching it drinking water. In fact, I just fall asleep from boredom. Hanging out with people is pretty much out of the question because everyone in this place drinks. There is nothing to do at night time that is social unless booze is involved. Or eating. I just cannot waste the calories! It will be worth it in the end. I just keep telling myself that. Once I am down to my goal, then it’s just a matter of maintaining. Which I can do perfectly fine! It’s the losing part that’s hard! Maintaining is way easier though. Just work out lots!

DO IT FOR THE WINEEEEEEEEEEEE

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