Easiest way to lose weight

GET OFF YOUR ASS. Or take Ripped Freak. This shit makes me vibrate..


I’m not going to be an advocate for diet pills, but if you can tolerate a lot of caffeine, like a freakish amount, then these are good for fast weight loss. I personally can’t be around other humans because I feel like a crack head and talk a million miles a minute. But they do work.

But for real, if you want to lose weight and keep it off, get up. Go work out. Go clean your closet. Go clean your bathroom and scrub your bathtub. Take your recycling in. Walk wherever you can. Just do something! Check out Pinterest for workout ideas.

I’m going to outline my workouts in a typical week. I can’t do the same workout everyday because it’s boring and I especially loathe doing cardio (but it does speed up the weight loss process). I also recommend not doing what I do and only weigh yourself once a week.. Like on a Wednesday morning.. After a morning poop. Also, take your measurements! Muscle is heavier than fat but takes up way less space. So even if your scale says you’ve only dropped a pound, you might drop several inches (which is way better IMO).

So here is a typical week for me.

Sunday: Upper body workout
Monday: Lower body workout
Tuesday: Ugh.. Cardio and squats and sit ups
Wednesday: Upper body workout
Thursday: Lower body workout
Friday: Yoga or a fun activity (cross country skiing, beating on Karlin, taking the dog for a walk)
Saturday: Fuck all and nothing

This regime has given me great results in the past. When I’m really ambitious, I do 30 minutes of interval cardio on the elliptical before the upper and lower body workouts. After a week of that I’m pretty beat and need wine!
This is what my upper and lower body workouts consist of. I adjust the weights accordingly.

Upper body:
Bench press 12 reps, 10 reps, 8 reps, 6 reps (with increasingly heavier weights)
Dumbbell flyes x24

Military press 12, 10, 8, 6 reps increasing weights
Shoulder press x24 reps

Overhead dumbbell press 12, 10, 8, 6 reps increasing weights
One-armed dumbbell row x24 on each arm

Standing dumbbell tricep extensions 12, 10, 8, 6 increasing weights
Tricep dips x24

Barbell bicep curls 12,10,8,6 increasing weights
Seated incline barbell curls x24

All of these can be googled if you don’t know what they are. Or you can ask me and I will awkwardly do a photoshoot of me doing each move. Please just google..

Lower body:
Dumbbell or barbell squats 12, 10, 8, 6 reps increasing weight
Curtesy lunges x24

Deadlifts 12, 10, 8, 6 reps increasing weight
Dumbbell lunges x24 (I loathe these more than cardio)

Angled calf raises 12,10,8,6 reps increasing weight
Lying leg curls x24

100 sit ups

2 minutes of planking

So you can see my method decreases the number of reps while adding more weight and then followed by 24 consecutive reps using the same muscle group. It. Fucking. Burns. I do all of these at home in our little gym that consists of a bench, squat rack, elliptical and Dumbbells! Here in Fruitvale we don’t have the luxury of an actual gym so we improvise 🙂 and while there are some days I wish I had more machines, they really aren’t necessary.

Dreaded cardio days:

I usually go for 30 minutes following this pattern

Warm up for 2 min at level 5
1 min at level 6
1 min at level 7
1 min at level 8
1 min at level 9
1 min at level 10
1 min at level 7
1 min at level 8
1 min at level 9
1 min at level 10
And repeat!

It’s alright when songza is on the ball but when the music is bad, 30 minutes seems like an eternity!

I subscribe to http://www.yogadownload.com and it is pretty sweet. There are hundreds of online classes you can download. Including some of the more tortuous ones like barre classes. I strongly recommend this site because you can take it anywhere!

Tomorrow I will write up a sample meal plan of what I usually eat.

Tonight we are having slow cooker chicken thigh taco chili! I always make this when I’m feeling uninspired and want to eat healthy. It’s so filling and low calorie with so much protein. It it tastes like tacos..and chili.. Which are both just fucking great.



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