Rats

Spend 6 weeks working out and eating clean. Lose 5 pounds. Eat unhealthy and drink for 3 days.. Gain it all back! So much for watching my portions!! Oh well back on track today. It’s really hard with Karlin being home! He gets up and makes delicious gourmet coffee and a huge bacon and egg breakfast while I eat oatmeal and put skim milk in my small coffee with Stevia!! FUCKING RIP OFF.

So I’m at this party the other night and get stuck with the circle of women swapping birthing stories. One girl asks if I have kids and I said no I’m not sure if I want kids. She looked at me like I had 9 heads and blood dripping out of my mouths. Why are women so judgmental? Why does it matter if I don’t want children? It doesn’t affect her decision to have them. Like it honestly has NO impact on her life so why do people gawk when I tell them I don’t really want kids? It just makes me roll my eyes. Then they all went on about how I’ll change my mind and how amazing motherhood is. So I threw Karlin’s sister into it and was like “I don’t know about that.. Robyn tells me all the time how awful her day is and how she wants to kill herself because of the girls” hahahah. Because let’s face it, kids are fucking annoying. I was thinking the other day about what I look for in friends and people I want in my life. Here are just some examples:

1) loyalty. Kids aren’t loyal. They’d sell their parents for a juice box.
2) kindness. Kids are fucking mean. They don’t like to share and they are bossy.
3) intelligence. Nope! Kids are dumb because they lack brain development.
4) generosity. Kids take and they take and never give you anything. They are the definition of selfish. And they never pay for drinks.
5) sense of humour. Ok kids, I’ll give you this one. Kids will laugh at anything like farts, peek-a-boo, and tickle matches.

So as you can see, there’s going to have to be a lot more convincing on my behalf before I will warm to the idea of children. Any child of mine will have to be an accident.

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Once the birthing stories were over, the conversation switched to “how everyone gets that musky smell out of their dish cloths and towels and whether or not they use bleach on their children’s laundry”. As a result, I drank a Mickey of vodka and joined the boys in the basement where they were jamming and cranking out old Tool songs. Much more my comfort zone! It ended up being a really fun night and Cards Against Humanity was brought out.

Anyways, going to go make some oatmeal and get my life back on track! Perhaps some cooking blogs need to be browsed so I can be inspired and cook something delicious for dinner tonight!

Hope everyone’s Christmas was amazing and you all got fat too 🙂

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