MOTHER BEAR

mama-bear

The mother unit is coming to Fruitvale tomorrow. I couldn’t be more excited. We are heading across the boarder to Spokane on Friday to begin the dreaded quest to find a wedding dress. I am nervous because I think wedding dresses look like costumes. And not the sort of costume I would even want to wear. They are cheesy, expensive, bejeweled and so not me. I wish it was appropriate to wear whatever you liked. I would probably dress up as a dirty maid. OMG just thought of the best idea. Rocky Horror Picture Show themed wedding.

Columbia c98559fb7d909b06752031931334b0c9

It would be a total toss up between these two outfits. I wish someone had consulted me in another previous life and asked “what should we wear on this day of our marriage?”. Boom, right from the get go I would have made things a lot different. Now, I am forced to partake in this ridiculous rite of passage where I have to go into some hideous dress store and try one one million stupid ass dresses to please my mother and future mother-in-law.  I actually bought my wedding dress last month from a store in the US. It was gorgeous. My budget was $1000 and it was $2000 and I just didn’t give AF. But then UPS called me from the border and told me the duty and ‘broker fee’ came to $700. So that put my $2000 dress ($2600 CAD with shipping) up to almost $4000. That would drywall my entire basement. I just.literally.couldn’t. So I told them bravely to lick my fucking ass and hung up. Just kidding, I cried and told them I had to refuse the package and had to call and get a refund. SAD DAY. I would post a picture of said dress but am afraid in my delicate premenstrual state I would burst into tears or go postal on my lap top. Just know that it was gorgeous.

Anyways, I am sure that I am going to try on one million dresses that look like this:

Satin-strapless-wedding-dressand feel like doing this the entire time:

tumblr_mi6bfnkcRt1r64le7o1_1280  I am going to try and have a positive attitude for my moms sake though. I know she is really looking forward to laughing at me trying to get into ugly dresses. I booked us this really fun looking hotel called The Ruby downtown though. It has a really nice martini bar attached so if the day doesn’t go very well, I will wipe away the memory with alcohol.

It is 3:30pm and I haven’t worked out yet. I am a bit worried I’m not going to. It’s already getting dark here and a snow storm is coming. It is so hard for me to work out in the afternoons! I got a lot of shit done today, so it’s not like I sat on the couch watching flash mob marriage proposal videos on YouTube. OK, I ONLY DID THAT FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR. Maybe I should just go down and go on the elliptical for half an hour and watch something on TV. That doesn’t sound awful. This is going to happen.

I just got an email from a foreigner asking for me to proofread his term paper in 3 hours. OH BOY. His email was bad enough. I’m going to tell him I will do it for $100. I really want one of those step counter things and they are $100 I think. So if he agrees, then I will do it.. grudgingly.

10271362Adios!

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